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TEENS 2: Elder Teens (An Epilogue)

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Sequels always end up going a different route. Trilogies use throwback jokes.
After my first altercation with TEENS at a Girls & Boys show, I figured me and my equipment would be better off at home. Yet when Pixel asked me if I was planning on covering the night, instead of saying no outright I asked “Well, do you want me to?”

“Only if you’re not going to get hurt again,” he answered cautiously. “I think it’s 19+ this time though.”

“Yea but likeā€¦ that’s still teens. They’re just older teens.”

And that’s how I found myself back at that special strange night that is a Girls & Boys party.

I was prepared this time though. I brought a more secure bag. I wore combat boots. I dressed like I was going on a hiking trip and not an edm dance party. This time, I was determined to avoid both molestation and blood loss.

To dodge the long line I didn’t arrive at the venue until after doors had opened. I still got felt up pretty intensely by security, but their intrusive body searches aren’t unjustified though; before it was my turn, a kid was found with drugs and thrown out. I found a friend and we went inside to wait.

We were shuttled into a room on the first floor with a smaller stage. A typical ‘Guch crowd was present, which put me at ease since I knew how to handle that. On the dance floor stood a single man, rolling his head off, doing some odd seductive dance solo while caressing his face with a towel. There wasn’t even a DJ playing yet, just the house playlist that fills time between sets.

The crowd began to circle around him, quietly mesmerized by his impassioned moment done to the sound of Michael Jackson’s Man in the Mirror. Then suddenly!, a new dancer had appeared, executing some of Jackson’s classic moves and moving steadily closer to our original hero. Then came another; a random girl was grinding up on the second dancer while the first had a look of positive elation.

By the time I remembered I was carrying a camera and should probably document the moment, the moment ended, and all that was left was the memory. The crowd dissipated and our original dancer looked skyward, grinning blissfully and continuing to dance alone.

The first DJ took the stage soon after, and he looked pretty bored. The crowd started to indulge him though, and began enthusiastically jumping up and down to the dubstep he was playing. Like, actually hopping up and down. I was pretty confused by this, but they all seemed to be having fun. Then a man appeared with glowsticks on strings since it seemed very important to continue kicking the corpse that was rave culture.

This was about when I noticed the crowd had started to turn. The edm crowd had started to appear, and the whimsy in the dancing had vanished. A couple of people were wearing the same strange pony bead armor that I witnessed at the last party. (Is this a thing now?)

Some people took to the stage when Harlem Shake and strobe lights began, but the DJ still looked pretty bored.

Over 9000 brah?

This was about when people started noticing I had a camera, and began demanding I take their picture. An extremely shirtless man wanted me to provide definitive proof he had that one club night. This time I decided I was going to have none of that; when he turned away to get the attention of an extremely tan woman, I quickly fled.

I tried to take the wallflower approach by hugging the back wall and looking disagreeable, hoping that would give me some space to just snap a couple photos. It didn’t work very well; I was quickly approached by someone who even commented that I looked like I was “having the time of my life.” Once he became bored with me and walked away I was immediately approached by someone who kept touching my hands and imploring me to dance. I don’t know what about my fairly large camera rig would imply that I was there to dance.

I think my favorite moment of the evening wasn’t something I witnessed myself, since I was too busy predicting the future on twitter in the form of a Gangam Style dubstep remix. The friend I was standing next to was fortunate enough to witness a mother coming into the club, grabbing an Elder Teen by the neck, and forcibly dragging him out of the venue. Bear in mind that means this mom came from who-knows-where, paid $30 for the ticket, and then had to bring this likely inebriate youth back to her nest. Random mother, if you somehow read this tale I salute you. You are probably my hero for going to such extremes to embarrass your child.

Much to my relief, once the main stage opened, things just turned into a regular show. I was able to take photos at the front as usual, and with minimal groping! I guess the difference between 16 and 19 is way greater than I ever would have anticipated, especially when illegal substances don’t get involved. Or maybe I was just jaded to the situation so I didn’t go into culture shock this time, who knows.

I think I accidentally negged a guy though, oops.

Anyway, check out the gallery featuring photos from myself, and the ones from Pixel and special guest AlBorland. Please enjoy and never forget the Teens.

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